[Diari] Second Chance...Or maybe Third?

I know a lot of people look down on me as if I am nothing compared to them. I was downgraded indirectly and directly this past week. But it is okay, insyaallah I can and I must endure it because this is my last chance to prove to myself that I can succeed. Furthermore, I hurt a lot of hearts during my previous years here so to be hated is not something I could avoid easily. But I would like to remain low profile as well as not getting myself into troubles for the next couple of years insyaAllah. I wish no one will spread the story of who I am before and who I am now. Please give me some space to make a fresh start. In addition, family matters are personal. I do not like anyone to be a news broadcaster. Why? Because when people hear my story, some of them would ask a lot of questions and some of the questions might be quite sensitive and provocative. If I weren't there to defend myself, then, a lot of misunderstanding may occur and will affect not only myself but my family. The informer also berdosa kerana dikira memfitnah. There are a lot of things that me and my husband disclose to public to avoid any unnecessary attention and question such as our financial state and etc. So let personal things remain personal okay? I love you all. And I am not doing this because of anyone but me and myself only (of course because of Allah too). I am not here to show I am better than anyone or to compete with anyone. I am here to compete with myself, to kill the demon inside me that keeps wandering and tell me that I can't. My mind is the biggest garbage dump I have ever known and it is now the best and the only time left for me to clean it and make anew.

Everyone wants a second chance.

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I am thinking about taking additional subject this semester because the lecturer is so inspiring. My history tells me that I usually have problems with male educator. Yep since I was in secondary school, I didn't get along well male teachers. No, not because of that love minat thingy. I was and am strictly professional with teachers and lecturers. That means no feelings involved. But there were always something wrong somewhere. So this time I would like to dare myself to break the record. However, family and PA didn't encourage me to do it as it would burden me. =_='